I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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