Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize