my sisters under your porch take her home
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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