If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize