my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
