You smell like stripper and shame
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
