We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
