when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
