He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Four minutes until I can fart!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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