I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Still dying that you shit outside
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
