I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
