I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
