His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
