Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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