Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
