Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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