Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
