The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
