She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
