oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
