Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
