I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
