i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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