there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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