last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
