i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
