Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
