Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
