tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I think im going to throw up on grandma
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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