last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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