I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
