i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
