Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
