New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
