Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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