You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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