Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
