Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this just has baby written all over it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize