3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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