Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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