I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
