Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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