Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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