cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
someone owes me an orgasm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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