I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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