Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
