Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
