I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
