I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your cock deserves a montage
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
