I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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