like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
