what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize