At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
