When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
