Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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