i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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