i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
