We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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