I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
