I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize