Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you would pick up someone in the library
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
