All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
