ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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