Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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