Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
