I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
