She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I understand Curling. That high.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
