i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I met the friendliest cop last night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
