Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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