Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize