Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
