we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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