I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
