I wish you could order shots online.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
