so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize