I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
