Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
