we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
