Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
