Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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