3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
