I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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