do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
