Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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