Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
