I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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