dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
