I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
