So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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