You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
