But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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