I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
