i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
