So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
