what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
