life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
