All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
