You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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