I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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