I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize