Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
