I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize