the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
