We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
