Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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