I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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