Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
