You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
